I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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