My liver just broke up with me...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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