my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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