Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
