so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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