who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
