I am puke
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
