tell your sister to shave her snatch
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
