I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
