I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
