it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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