i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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