I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Congratulations! We have a period
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
