I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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