dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You were trust falling into bushes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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