I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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