i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
