i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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