life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Still dying that you shit outside
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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