Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
