I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize