Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
