Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
