Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
