So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
