WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
