Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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