So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
