I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this beer tastes like vomit already
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
