you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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