Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
