girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
