Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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