She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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