I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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