so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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