He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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