he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
