Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize