1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We are all done wearing pants today
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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