i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
