I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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