I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
