As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
