Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
