Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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