just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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