I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
