By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
so much tequila, so little girl.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
