i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
