AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
