I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Actions speak louder than pants.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
