Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
