Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
