He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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