Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
did i just pee glitter
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize