I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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