I'm jealous of your bromance
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
