he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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