Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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