You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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