I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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