well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
