Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
