end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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