i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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