What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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