as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
