Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we made out on top of his cat.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
