k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
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