Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This is the high leading the old right now
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
