My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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