I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
