D3 body, D1 cock
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
