Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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