are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
