Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
