Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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