Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Send help, water and tortillas.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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