I cockslap morals
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
