Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
