I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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