I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize