On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
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