Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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