yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
