he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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