either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
