Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
