What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
