You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
