I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
