The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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