Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
