I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
