I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
