She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
