I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
