i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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