Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
