I accidentally had phone sex last night
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
