so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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