I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
