You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So many bounce houses so little time
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
