what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
