You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
